I wrote this piece in April 2011 on my Blogger version of TooMuchInformanda. As one of my closest friends has just gotten married (and I was fortunate enough to be a part of the wedding party), this post comes to mind about what – and who – I want for my future.
I was recently asked what it is I actually want out of having a boyfriend and a relationship. In other words, why is it that I want these things even though I do not really need them. By and large, my family and friends can provide the support a boyfriend would.
This has been a surprisingly difficult question to answer for me.
I would like to share my life, my experiences, and my general awesomeness with someone else. Likewise, I would enjoy sharing someone else’s life, experience, and their coolness.
I’d like to get laid within a monogamous relationship. I have nothing against those who play the field and what not – more power to them. I just know that I am not capable of doing that and I don’t want to try.
I know that I am not looking for someone to take care of or who wants to take care of me. I think it would be important that we care about each other and be able to rely on each other, but I don’t want to be someone’s mother-substitute or paycheck (they would be severely disappointed by the paycheck anyway). I am not looking for someone to have kids with – I don’t know that I want kids.
Yet why do I want a partner?
As many of you know, my affinity for LOST has been “replaced” with one for Doctor Who. In pondering this question, the episode in which the Doctor becomes human to hide from The Family of Blood was on BBC America. The Doctor, as human John Smith, pressed Martha to answer what she is to the Doctor and why he needs her.
The Doctor doesn’t really need a companion. He is brilliant on his own and has spent time without them and done fine. One of the reasons he has a companion is because he is lonely. He says at one point that he was annoying himself by talking to himself so much. However, another reason is because having human companions helps him see things about himself and about the situations he lands in that he could not if he was relying on himself. Furthermore, having a human companion helps him leash the “oncoming storm” part of being a Time Lord. He advocates peace, mercy, and cooperation – but sometimes he needs a person around to remind him of this (think of when he battled the Racnoss with Donna on “The Runaway Bride”).
Even without a companion, the Doctor is not really alone. He has a support system, of course. Sarah Jane has her investigative group and there’s Captain Jack and Torchwood, plus the folks on the alternate Earth – and River Song. They can all help in times of need – just like my family and friends can help in times of need and are always sources of support.
Still, the Doctor has a companion. The companions make him a better person. He is still a great person and a genius without having a companion around. But the companion just makes him better, happier.
Sure, having a companion is sometimes a pain for the Doctor. He has to watch out for them and make sure that they don’t get into trouble. They have disagreements because the companion challenges him from time to time. He sometimes says that it was a mistake to have brought them and that he is going to take them home as soon as possible, but he doesn’t. The companion never listens to him when he tells them to stay put or do something – that is just part of the relationship. The companions themselves are strong, independent, and curious. He admires them as much as they admire him.
So… in a roundabout way… that is why I want a relationship with a boyfriend. I want a companion. I understand that by using Doctor Who as a metaphor, it may seem like I am putting a glossy, fairy tale, fantasy sheen on my expectations and desires. Overall, I think having a relationship with a boyfriend has the opportunity to bring out the best in me, challenge me, and remind me of my goals. I hope I can do the same for him, whoever he may be.
In the meantime, I am just open to dating! I do not necessarily want to go out on a single date with one dude and have that be the last first date for the rest of my life, you know?
And once I do decide to commit to dating just one guy, I would like to spend time getting to know him (what I referred to as the courtship stage). This is in contrast to my previous two relationships, in which I made a blind leap into the comfortable stage. Even the Doctor has a “dating” period with his companions in which they have to prove themselves. After they help him save the Earth and humanity, it is *then* that he introduces them to the TARDIS.
BTW – If you have not watched Doctor Who, I strongly suggest you watch it. You don’t have to start with the first Doctor. Watch the episode “Blink” and see if you like it (that’s Series 3) – that’s how I was introduced to it. It’s on Netflix.