“But you know what? Some guys are funny and supportive and caring but they still don’t love you the way you want to be loved. They might be perfectly wonderful to spend time with, but there’s a point where too much wishy-washy nothingness, too much going with the flow, too much ‘Let’s wait and see,’ adds up to an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach. You don’t know what to do about it, so instead of throwing a fit or walking out the door, you become someone who exists in the margins, someone who can tuck herself into the background and make do with whatever leftovers come her way.”
. . .
“Is that worth being with someone who isn’t passionate enough about you to say I WOULD BE CRUSHED IF YOU LEFT ME. I WOULD SURVIVE, SURE, BUT I NEED FOR YOU TO KNOW THIS: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN IMAGINE LOVING ANYONE ELSE. YOU LEAVING ME WILL BE A GIANT LOSS IN MY LIFE.”
. . .
“I promised myself that I would never tuck myself into the margins of someone else’s life again. I would make my own friends and build my own life and pursue my dreams, and I would only consider men who were absolutely crazy about me. No more whatever, sure, why not, for now, let’s wait and see. I didn’t know if it would work out or not… Just knowing that was thrilling. Just knowing that made my life richer and fuller and more colorful than it had ever been before. It happened overnight. All I had to do was decide…”
. . .
“So, here’s what I really want to tell you: You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t waste your time. And you still have time. There’s nothing wrong or weird or unattractive about you. The only thing that’s worrisome about you right now is how worried you are that there’s something wrong with you. You believe that showing your true self is tantamount to turning men off. As if they can smell your love of baking and Guides and teaching little girls to build fires! As if they are destined to be REPULSED BY THESE THINGS! No, no, no. The ding-dongs that are repulsed by the fact that you teach little kids to build fires are the ding-dongs you don’t want to waste two years of your life puffing bong hits with. And look, I’m not slamming the puffing of bong hits, here, just slamming the life-wasting nowhereland of following indifferent dudes from one Fatburger to another, from one Cineplex to another, from one hometown to another. (“Look, Mom, it’s a perfectly smart, attractive, funny woman with a steady job who’d rather follow me around all day than focus on her career or spend time with her friends or face herself. What do I do with her?” Mom: “Mmm. She’s an edgy one. Have fun, but DEFINITELY DON’T MARRY HER.”)”
. . .
“… like so many other people out there, I’m independent, but I’m also very needy sometimes. I’ll bet you are, too. I’ll bet you’re extremely sensitive and also tough. I’ll bet you’re brave and strong and also lonely and tired of trying. BUT: You have to keep trying… Right now, you need to keep online dating, keep going out and meeting people, keep joining new clubs and taking new classes, keep asking friends to invite you to the parties of other friends.
“If finding a partner is important to you, you have to open your heart and put time and energy into it, and you have to be committed to taking rejection in stride. Rejection isn’t personal. You are who you are! You’re not trying to be everybody’s favorite lady, you’re just trying to be YOU. Stop hiding and stop marketing yourself and stop trying to seal the deal. The last thing in the world you want is to coax some random, thoughtless fuckwinder into marrying you.
“But don’t give up hope. Why wouldn’t you feel optimistic? You’re already pretty happy. You’re going to rock this out and have the life you want no matter what. So be your dangerously girly self, without apology. Be her forever and everywhere.”
. . .
“Think like a monster, a mogul, Wonder Woman in brass knuckles, a conquistador, every day a new challenge and a new adventure.”
– From Polly