I flake out on people.
Actually, it is more that I flake out on events. I try not to flake out on people, especially my friends. Sometimes I’m just not up to being around people. Sometimes it’s that the drive is too far. Sometimes it’s that my bed is so more more inviting.
That being said, I don’t appreciate being flaked out on. Hypocritical, I know. If someone make plans with me, I hope that they don’t flake out. At the very least, I hope that they would be courteous enough to let me know well in advance that they flaked.
Students flake out most often. They make appointments to meet with me, especially during advising season, and then just don’t show up. I just roll my eyes at this.
On Saturday, a guy from Tinder flaked on me. This has been the second weekend in a row in which [tenuous] plans just didn’t happen. I try to be empathetic, but with a virtual stranger, there is a thin line between empathy and gullibility. The thing is, I would still like to meet him – we have a good rapport and I think we’d be great friends. I just fear that screams a lack of self-respect and desperation on my part.
I mention the gullibility bit because, as a fairly creative person, I can come up with all sorts of other reasons for why plans fall through. Yes, my reasons are often more outlandish than new phones and hangovers, but I think I have a right to remain suspicious.
My empathy has disguised my gullibility before: The Case of my Tammy 1. Tammy 1 told me that his parents were always pressuring him to finish his master’s degree in Computer Science, but that he thought that would make him overqualified. I believed him when he said that he had commuted to and from Oklahoma to Dallas, living at home as he went to Oklahoma State — he had an OSU decal on the back of his fugly car. That should have been the ginormous red flag right there, but I was dumb, naïve, and in love. I stood up to Tammy 1’s father on behalf of Tammy 1, believing that Tammy 1 was being unjustly pushed to complete a master’s. Turns out, Tammy 1 did not even have an associate’s degree, nor had he completed a full semester of course work. Tammy 1 had lied to me from the first day we conversed on Yahoo Personals (this was, wow, nearly 9 years ago). And, guess what – Tammy 1 had flaked on our first date, too.
In the case of this guy on Tinder, we aren’t going to date, and I am pretty sure that he’s been straight forward from the beginning. Meh.