That’s Not How That Works

I don’t drink beer. Or wine. I rarely drink, period, and when I do, I drink frozen margaritas. 

That being said, I do watch a lot of television and have seen Modelo’s commercial, “Work For It.” In it, the voice over says, “You want a girl to marry you, you ask her father.”

There are many things I could point out about how that statement is heteronormative, blah blah blah, but let’s focus on me. It’s a problem. 

1) I am a grown-ass woman. Not a girl.

Do I mind being referred to as a girl? It is not the worst thing you could call me. I like the “Hey girl” meme and I sing plenty of songs by BeyoncĂ© that talk about how girls run the world, and so on. But the man – see what I did there? – who gets to marry me should appreciate my being a woman and not some girl. 

2) You can ask my daddy and my momma to marry me, but they will tell you it is completely up to me. 

I have not lived with my parents since I was 18 years old. I have a career. I live across the country from my parents. I love them with all my heart and their opinions matter a lot to me, but the only individual from whom you should seek permission is me. 

3. I am not property to be given over from one man to another. 

Would I like my dad to walk me down an aisle someday? Sure. In fact, both parents would be great. Or I might just roll down there on my own. I can pick and choose which traditions I want to maintain and which I would rather not. But asking for permission from my dad is not one of the patriarchal traditions I want to perpetuate. 

Now, if you’d like to talk to my dad about what it would be like to marry into a family and its legacy of strong, smart women, by all means. Go ahead. Learn something. 

You might want to talk to my dad about skills you want/need to learn because my dad knows how to fix just about everything. I, on the other hand, broke the freezer fan because I stabbed the fan with a knife (it was making noises and I thought there was ice on the blades that could be loosened if I stabbed in the slots). I took the mechanism apart and replaced it myself after it broke… but the point is that my problem solving is not always cost effective. Or safe. 

Overall, if you’re going to “work for it,” you should be working on me (with me?) (for me?), not my parents.