My List



I joined Bumble again for a little over 24 hours before I quit and deleted my profile.

I had started conversing with two men. One of them did not do anything to propel the conversation forward. The other one said he was a moderate and would vote Republican if it weren’t for Trump. When I asked him if he was a feminist, he said he didn’t give much thought to women’s issues. Yes, I technically “ghosted” on them. Oh well.

In swiping through the men within a 50 mile radius of my location, I was struck yet again by how many are so outdoorsy and “not into drama” and do those mud races and put that they work at Prestige Worldwide or Vandelay Industries and have their high school listed and “love to travel” and are “sarcastic” and if I want to know more I should “just ask” and “KCCO.”

For what it’s worth, I did not put a lot of effort into my profile blurb. I simply put “smart ass in smarty pants.”

My friend encouraged me to not be so dismissive and to be willing to open a guy’s eyes to social justice issues — because no one is perfect. My response was that I want what the kids are calling a “woke bae.” Not necessarily Matt McGorry state of woke-ness where he is calling out people on Twitter and shit, but I would not have to define feminism for him.

I actually have a list of qualities I am looking for in a partner. I made it on the List App nearly a year ago. They are not in priority order.

Here it is for those too lazy to click on the link:

He is a feminist
He doesn’t necessarily have to embrace the label, but he needs to at least talk the talk and walk the walk.

He has a college degree
From a legit, four-year college. Grad school degree a plus. I do not want to date someone who is currently an undergrad.

He is a liberal
I cannot do conservative, especially Tea Party conservative.

He reads
How many books does he own? A person without books is not to be trusted. Bonus points if he has women authors listed among his favorites.

He listens to good music
We don’t have to agree on it all, but the less country music, the better.

He likes to sing
Not necessarily in public, but at least be comfortable in the car or around me.

He has read Harry Potter (if not, is willing to read or listen to the series)
I have the books and audiobooks I’m willing to lend

He keeps up with current events
Does not have to know all of the on-goings, but at least browses the headlines on a regular basis

He is sex positive
Not negative about sex. No shaming. Open to communicate/talk about sex and not just rely on facial expressions. He knows about the importance of consent. As Amy Poehler says, “If he don’t eat pussy, keep stepping.”

He is thoughtful
He wouldn’t get me a gift card for Christmas or my birthday. He would surprise me with something awesome/weird/geeky from time to time. If necessary, he would consult my family, friends, or colleagues for information or assistance.

He doesn’t do guns
I’m not comfortable with guns. I don’t want them around, even if they are locked up.

He loves animals
My pets are my babies and I treat them like family. I need someone who understands that.

He doesn’t hunt
I don’t do hunting. I don’t like hunting. Shoot animals with cameras, not with guns.

He appreciates the outdoors, but is not outdoorsy
I’m not a huge fan of camping. I might be able to do a night or two in a blue moon.

He is secure in his masculinity
He doesn’t freak out at discussion of menstruation or avoid the aisle with tampons and maxi pads. He doesn’t feel a need to be violent in order to prove something.

He is handy
He knows how to do some house repairs and some car stuff. I can do things as well (I’m not helpless by any means), but it would be nice if he brought his own skills to the table.

He knows how to clean and keep a house
I want someone willing to do their share of chores without being asked (a fantasy, I know). But at least someone who might trade off every other load of dishes and laundry and stuff. Not someone who expects to only do the once-a-month type chores. AND he knows how to clean without my having to teach him.

He goes to the doctor when sick
And he doesn’t turn into a big baby when sick. I shouldn’t have to make his appointment for him and force him to go.

He thinks I’m sexy
I could look my absolute worst and he’d still want some of that. He doesn’t really consider other women because I am more than enough for him. I mean, I’m realistic. People watch porn (myself included), but I want him to want me.

He is secure about his body
This is sort of hard to put into words. It means he doesn’t think he has to wear a shirt in the pool regardless of the state of his body. It means that he realizes his pelvis is a distinct entity from his torso.

He watched or is willing to watch Parks and Recreation
The brilliance of this show must be seen

He likes to play card games and board games
But is not a super-competitive dick about it

He is cool with my family
Spending the holidays (at least part of them) with my family is important to me, especially since I don’t get to see them very often.

He has a similar temperament to mine
I don’t want to go out all the time. Introverts unite!

He doesn’t mind staying in
My idea of a great time would be lying in bed together and watching bad movies (occasionally commenting MST3K style)

His answer to “Is being overweight a deal breaker” isn’t “Yes” or “No, unless they were obese.”
I’m fat. I won’t be fat for much longer, but it makes me question how into looks he is. Looks change.

He understands my constraints
Whether it is related to my career or physical constraints (i.e., my feet issues), he gets it and he doesn’t think less of me.

He is not a dick about money
Frugality is good to a certain extent, but there is a difference between being wise with your money and being a miser. If he’s wanting me to line my purse with napkins so that I can take the chips from a Mexican restaurant home — that is not cool.

He doesn’t threaten me
I once had a guy threaten to hurt my feelings, saying that he really knew how to hurt people because he took note of their vulnerabilities and used those against them. His threat was because I joked that he was, at two years my senior, an “old man.”

He has a similar sense of humor to mine
Dark, dry, witty… Some stand-up comedy is better than others.

He has a working car
I do not care so much about the type of car it is. Preferably he does not use the car as a symbol of or substitute for his penis. Minivans will be given a strong side-eye.

He has a career
Preferably a position that he enjoys and is constantly stressed out or complaining about.

He is not a smoker
I have never smoked in my life. I cannot kiss up on someone who smokes cigarettes or, worse, chews. I might be able to be with someone who uses e-cigarettes as that doesn’t lead them to stink and kissing is not bad.

He’s not a racist, sexist, or homophobe
Even subtle hints will not be tolerated. That means not saying “that’s gay.”

He doesn’t want kids
I don’t want kids. It would be a problem if he does or thinks he might.

He has his shit together
He has an idea about the direction of his life and goals and stuff.

He isn’t religious
I don’t want to be judged as going to hell.

He isn’t pretentious
We all have our opinions about things. I, for example, do not care for country music. There’s no need to be a dick about it, though.

He is not bat-shit crazy
We all have our little quirks. I don’t need someone who I have to walk on eggshells around. No addicts, either.

He respects me
Enough said