Wonder 

Today, I went to the Wonder Woman Symposium in Cleveland. It was excellent! I thoroughly enjoyed myself and it hit many of my intellectual interest checkboxes. I plan on going to the Symposium again on Saturday… in my Wonder Woman costume.

After Symposium, I met the photographer for a date at Johnny Mangos (sort of like an international cuisine place in that they have Mexican, Korean, Thai, etc.). Good food.

The conversation was great, too. We talked about our respective dating histories as well as worst dating experiences. You better believe that I mentioned Crackers dude and Stripper Guy. He’s had his share of crazy, too.

He caught all of my pop culture references and I caught his, too. That’s always a nice thing that I think is under appreciated — someone who speaks your pop culture references. Given that I teach college and many of my references receive blank stares back at me, having someone not only get them, but add to them, is a pleasant happenstance.

He is “woke” (as the kids like to say), giving an example of how he explained white privilege to someone. It’s not that I prodded and was like, “So what do you know about white privilege?” The subject came up organically.

Talking with him didn’t feel like an audition, probably because we had been communicating (and flirting) throughout the week.

I’m purposefully trying not to make comparisons between my date on Thursday and Friday’s date; however, this was not a situation I thought I’d be in. Back-to-back dates in Seattle, sure. But at home with the potential for something more? Never in my life.

Having finished Steve Martin’s book, I’m listening to Lindy West’s Shrill. It resonates so much with me, especially in terms of dating and love while being fat. Basically, that’s not supposed to happen — fat people aren’t meant to be lovable, you know? They can be fucked in secret and out of public, sure (they have boobs and a vadge after all), but not romantically pursued and/or adored. That is the message that Lindy and I have received through our lives, even though it is total and utter bullshit.

I have interacted with many men and had crushes and/or pursued many men who I am sure would have been willing to fuck me but not date me. They did not get that opportunity. In fact, one such man created an “I Hate Amanda Club” at our work. Stupid me thought that was playful and charming in a boys-who-like-you-make-fun-of-you, elementary school way. I’m pretty sure that, had it come down to it, he would have eventually fucked me. No sort of relationship would have been there before or after (not that there has to be with sex, but a relationship was what I wanted with him). It would have been a shit show in many ways. I mean, a grown-ass man does not joke about hating someone and actually have any sort of respect for them. At all. Later, when I got a boyfriend, he resented having the attention I lavished on him taken away.

In any case, I am glad that I feel more confident in myself (at least right now). I am a Wonder Woman and Wonder Woman doesn’t put up with hate club bullshit.

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