Full disclosure: I have not read Gary Chapman’s book. But I did take the quiz online, especially after L asked me what my love languages were.
I’ve thought about this quite a bit, though I don’t know how much actual stock I place in it.
What I love most is communication. It makes me feel secure, wanted, and known. An “I’m thinking about you” text has the potential to make my day. I want to hear him tell me I am amazing. I want him to tell me he misses me and that he can’t wait to see me again. I think that makes me fall for a guy – words.
I’m actually surprised that gifts is not higher because I am a very sentimental person. You send me a card, that card is kept. It is not about materialism at all. It is about acknowledging that I was thought of and that I am known well enough to make or buy something for me that I will enjoy. You’ll notice that I put make there and I am serious. Take advice from Nick Offerman, whose relationship with Megan Mulally is one I really, really admire.
I mean, these are relationship goals if I ever had any:
Quality time… I go back and forth on. Yes, I love cuddling and being in the same room with a person I care about. But I also require some alone time to recharge my batteries. I expect that swaths of alone time might not be as necessary as a relationship grows and I become more comfortable around them. But I am not quite sure.
Acts of service are meaningful as well, but up to a certain point. I want the acknowledgement that I am capable of doing things myself; however, I know that I would really appreciate someone helping me carry in groceries, getting dinner, etc. I know for damn sure that I would not be able to be in a relationship with a man who does not pull his weight in terms of chores. While I acknowledge socialization may need to take place, it should not be something I perpetually have to point out to get done. Married women might read that last sentence and laugh. Believe me, I’ve read “I Want A Wife,” too.
Now we get to physical touch. I love holding hands, arms stretched across me while sitting next to each other, hair tucked behind my ear, hugs and kisses and sexier things. But, to me, these pale in comparison to words.
Silence makes me think something is wrong, even though there is no valid reason to jump to that conclusion. Silence can be painful to me. I am getting better, I think, at not taking silence personally and not jumping to conclusions. I try not to let my anxiety and imagination run wild.
Overall, I don’t think that it is so easy to prioritize one love language over another. I retook the quiz and got completely different answers. It strikes me as similar to the Myers-Briggs tests and how those seem to lack real legitimacy.
I need to think about this some more. Go figure. Ha!