To me, politics are personal because, as the feminist mantra goes, the personal is political. That being said, I am tired of reading and talking about politics and the election. I’m not ready to play nice yet, though.
So, let’s talk my dating life.
I enjoy texting throughout the day. Not super intense, just little things like “Hey, I saw this” or “What are you having for lunch?”
I think that is why I fell so hard for P. We texted. Sometimes it was random bullshit. Rarely meaningful.
I don’t know why I like it. I get a similar effect on other social media in that I am sharing my thoughts with other people. Perhaps it is the one-on-one attention or knowing that someone is thinking of me. In fact, scratch not knowing why I like it. I know that I like texting with a guy I’m seeing throughout the day because it makes me feel important and wanted.
I know that replies aren’t always made right away. People are busy. People are tired. People don’t want to talk. People are driving. Basically, there are many reasons why replies aren’t made right away or even in a timely fashion.
When I don’t have that outlet or if I have stopped seeing a guy, it depresses me for a while, but I get over it. I don’t want to share my thoughts with someone who is not interested or who doesn’t care to know them. They don’t deserve to know them.
It’s not like I send a billion messages. I don’t text from morning to night. I like to text things like “How’s your day going?” or “My life is a series of meetings” or “Curses! I forgot my umbrella!” I appreciate a “good night” more than a “good morning.” I appreciate non-sequiturs. What I really like is a “thinking of you” message.
When I don’t receive a timely reply (i.e., hours have passed), or a reply at all, I feel like my message has been a burden. That then translates to I am a burden. I have violated some unwritten or unspoken rule that pushes me from being friendly into being annoying.
I’ve been in a relationship where texting was annoying. Where a text notification in the morning to wish me good morning ellicited an eye roll rather than a smile. Or when any text notification got that response. I don’t want that. I’m also 30 years old and I’m not about to spend all day basically transcribing what I’m doing.
If texting throughout the day is too much, I’ll settle for just talking/texting at the end of the day. I can limit myself and just talk about the main event(s).
I don’t know how to ask for it – for more communication. I want to “use my words,” as Captain Awkward would advise, but I’m not sure how I can do that without coming across as needy or a pest. Part of me thinks that if I come across that way to a guy, screw it – I want what I want. That’s his loss. But if I am going to use my words and ask for it, when should I do this? In person? Over text message?
In terms of my situation with L, I know that he admits to not being that great at responding in a timely fashion. We’ve addressed what I consider to be “tough” topics before. I’ve even told him about my communication hang-ups (see above) and how I would want him to tell me if I get to be too much. BUT! I am also cognizant that he is in a state of transition and moving is tough, etc. In other words, I know that he is likely preoccupied by different things than the woman over a thousand miles away (he is back in Florida at the moment; it’s complicated).
I’m trying to be cool. Just like, “Hey, no big deal, whatever… I’m totally fine with no response to me at all…” I remind myself that we aren’t really together (i.e. in a relationship). But inside, I am irritated. At this point the irritation is just that, like your foot rubbing on the inside of your shoe. It stings, but it doesn’t hurt yet. The longer it goes on, the more likely it is to create a nasty blister. Using my words at that point may keep the blister from getting torn and allow the liquid build-up to absorb back in. Or maybe it is right for the blister to just burst and get it over with (note: this is not the way to handle actual blisters).
My friends will no doubt tell me that I deserve a guy who will at least take a moment out of his day to reply to me or check in or say he’s thinking about me. And they might say that it shouldn’t be this hard. My friends are also the greatest, so… yeah.