And just like that

And just like that, things are okay again. 

I waited to say anything. Around 24 hours later, I responded with two words: “I see.”

He replied to say there are many questions he didn’t have answers to. 

I was then honest. I told him his reply about needing to focus on things there stung. I said I didn’t think my question was that outlandish and that I also didn’t think it warranted such a cold reply. 

You know what?

He apologized and said I was right. 

We talked more about how and why we reacted the way we did. It was a genuine, adult conversation with honesty and shit. 

It’s not perfect. 

In the end, I asked if we were good and we  each agreed that we thought we were. 

————

When I discussed this situation with my friends earlier in the day, they urged me to cut him and move on. They pointed out how he wasn’t the guy I was initially that into (true) and how I mention more things that bother me – *cough* communication – than I actually like (also true). They urged me to have a guy do more to win my favor, telling me to “never like a guy more than he likes you.” I realize also that the last time he was here, I put in a hell of a lot more effort to see him than he did to see me. It feels like I’m doing a lot of the chase while still working around him… and that’s messed up. 

I think I have a hard time seeing myself as being pursued because, well, I tend to do the pursuing. Or even if a guy makes some effort, I end up taking over. I guess I don’t trust “the chase” or I feel a need for control. 

I am going to try my best not to propose meeting up and not making arrangements for that. In other words, if he wants to see me when he gets back in town, he’ll have to put it together. 

To be honest, I don’t know what direction this is headed, but I haven’t put all my eggs in this basket. I continue to swipe and talk to matches. I’d like to continue to give my thing with L a chance, though.