My coffee date didn’t happen on Friday.
It took all day to receive a message about sickness. Which, you know, sucks. Apologies given. No reschedule as of yet.
Many things went through my mind as I waited to receive any sort of news. You see, I know something about this guy – I’ll call him Murdock – that he doesn’t know I know. It’s not exactly that he hid it (there are subtle hints in his photos on Tinder), but he didn’t mention it in his profile, nor did he mention it in our talk on the phone.
He is visually impaired. His cane was visible in some of the photos.
I wasn’t sure at first, but I found his Facebook and I scrolled through posts. Invasive? Perhaps. He didn’t tell me his last name, but I was able to use context clues to find him. He’s not the first or only guy I have found.
In any case, I thought maybe he had gotten cold feet about that. Or I thought maybe he asked someone to describe me to him and he was turned off.
You see, I don’t understand how a visually impaired person can use Tinder. It is a pretty visual medium, though I do have a written profile.
AND – this is not the first visually impaired guy I have matched with. I went on a date with a visually impaired man in the Spring. He also did not tell me before the date. In fact, he didn’t tell me until it was time for the receipt, although I had noticed that he ate with his hands (it was a Mexican restaurant) moreso than with utensils. He had walked to the restaurant. I drove him home – he had walked there from his apartment. He wanted to do more stuff, but I didn’t feel we had much of a connection.
That guy explained that the reason he did not disclose ahead of time was because people tend to think that the visually impaired are stupid. That makes sense to me, as does wanting someone to see beyond it and like you for you. As someone who still carries a physical stigma – fatness – I totally get that.
But, I’ll admit that when I figured out Murdock was visually impaired, I was like “AGAIN?! How does this keep happening?!” I was apprehensive. I was flooded with the potential complications, like travel.
The thing is, I think Murdock is a sweet guy. He is an excellent listener. He is very intelligent and working on his PhD. He communicates daily (the exception being Friday). He flirts with me and has nicknames for me. He wants similar things as I do, that is, a relationship.
Having seen his Facebook gave me more of an idea of who he might be as a friend or boyfriend. I am also glad that I found out more about his visual impairment, including on how he thinks it impacts his relationships with women. I am also glad I found out about it beforehand, period, because I don’t like being blindsided (no pun intended) with stuff like that.
I’m disappointed that we did not have our coffee date, but I’m putting it on him to ask to reschedule since he canceled (in other words, I’m not going to suggest it). I do believe he was sick, though and not bullshitting me.
I will say that I hate being flaked out on, especially on first meetings. My first boyfriend did that (his cat got sick, I was at the movie theater and he didn’t show — this was before the advent of iPhones). L did that (I asked to confirm that we were still on for the date, he cancelled because he had a work thing to go to that came up). The first visually impaired dude did that (he wouldn’t confirm the time or location; he eventually called, later found out he couldn’t get a ride).
In any case, Murdock has this week to reschedule. And that’s it. Other than that, it would have to wait until the new year, and I’m not sure I’d want to play it out that long without meeting in person.
P.S. – I have a huge, huge, huge crush on Charlie Cox. Murdock doesn’t look at all like Charlie Cox, but that’s ok.