Cute

There’s a scene in Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer where they are playing reindeer games.

In it, the girl reindeer Clarice tells Rudolph that he is cute.

He then proceeds to jump and leap around wildly.

Having recently received a similar message, I have been on a similar high.

This guy is not very forthcoming with the compliments and flirtation. Don’t get me wrong — it’s fine for right now. I’ve experienced high amounts of it in early conversations with men and it can get overwhelming and feel disingenuous. With this guy, I feel like he isn’t just sweet talking me. Well, it is sweet talk, but it isn’t laying it thick.

I’m on a high not only because I’m fairly smitten with him, but because I think he is cute, too. He’s attractive, and not in a if-you-squint-you-can-see-the-potential sort of way (I have been on dates with my fair share of those).

This leads me to a whole host of issues with self-doubt and insecurity. And I know that self-confidence is attractive… so I’m trying to not let myself succumb to ideas like “Oh, but my body is so deflated!” or “Maybe he’s just being nice” or “He’ll change his mind if he ever sees me naked.”

I know that the insecurities women have about their bodies are things men don’t concern themselves with when they see a naked woman. Most of the time, those men are just happy that a naked woman wants to do stuff with them.

In any case, I know I’m jumping ahead of myself. We aren’t to that point yet.

I will say that having a man I was intimate with – Mitt – admit that he did not find me attractive has simultaneously fucked with my self-confidence and┬ámade me decide I am going to try to avoid putting myself in such a vulnerable place again.