Change in Programming

I put a bunch of my posts under password protection.

I did it for a few reasons.

First, I am residually bothered that “Steve” found my website. I don’t know if he is still reading. That would be fucked up.

Second, I’m surprised that I get traffic to my website from Google. I think some folks looked at my website by clicking on my Instagram profile link, but I took that down, so maybe they turned to Google? In any case, I don’t mind people reading, it’s just the Google reference that has me irked, especially as I cannot tell where these folks are coming from.

Third, my thing with this new guy is sort of different. It’s not the usual shitty dates — of which there were many. And while my posts were full of accolades, I just feel a bit awkward putting it all out there at this time. Hell, it is awkward enough to put my dating life out there and my body stuff out there.

To that end, I will share some things about myself as a sort of, I don’t know, trade off.

At this point, I am over a hundred pounds lighter than I was at my known highest weight. And, while I can’t immediately tell a difference, I do notice it when I look at pictures.

And the thing about dating is that, well, eventually people will see your pictures, such as Facebook profile pictures. Having recently shared my last name (though, to be honest, it’s not like I’m hard to find given clues like my first name, what I teach, and where I teach), I know I could be looked up.

I just haven’t shared the fact that I used to be bigger.

I am not sure the extent to which that fact will matter. There is evidence on my body, of course, and that makes me nervous. I’ve also heard of people rejecting the formerly obese because of a fear that either they’ll catch the fatness or that the smaller body is just a phase.

I don’t know whether to head it off now by saying, “Hey, so if you stalk my FB profile, as people are wont to do, I thought I should let you know that I used to be a lot bigger.”

We’ll see. Baby steps.