I Don’t Do Guns

I am not comfortable around guns.

I know this may seem shocking to some, given that I was born and raised in Texas.

I have family members that own guns. One is a police officer. I think my sister might own one as well.

Not me.

My cousin had one of those cap guns when we were kids, but I didn’t touch it. The closest I’ve gotten to guns are the water and virtual variety – super soakers and guns on video games.

Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy action movies and when Rocket Raccoon goes “Oh Yeah” once he gets a gun in his hand, I get goose bumps.


I realize that media’s version of masculinity goes hand-in-hand with violence. Violence is entertainment, as evidenced by the box office.

But I live in the real world (most of the time) and I don’t do guns.

Here is why I don’t do guns:

  • I have depression and anxiety. I have not been suicidal in a very long time, but I don’t need access to a tool that has a high chance of success.
  • Guns are more likely to end up hurting or killing a loved one rather than someone trying to hurt me.
  • I am not that heroic. I’m not going to go in, guns blazing, trying to protect myself, my loved ones, strangers, or property.
  • Even if I did try to play the hero, odds are I’d get shot because cops would not be able to tell that I was a “good guy.”
  • I would have a lot of psychological trauma from hurting someone.
  • God forbid a kid get ahold of my gun and hurt themselves or someone else with it.
  • I don’t hunt. Not a big fan of hunting. I tear up at the sight of roadkill.
  • I do not think that individuals need to own assault rifles that they keep at home for shits and giggles.
  • I am a professor and universities can be high stakes environments where emotions run high. I’m not okay with people carrying on campus.

You could insert the other social reasons as to why I am not a big fan of guns, including how black folks’ right to open carry is completely ignored.

You may think, “Well, if you don’t like it, you can get out.” I’d gladly trade for the fewer gun-related deaths in the UK or Australia. I’d happily have a police force that largely does not carry lethal weapons. Unfortunately, all of my loved ones and my life is here and I am not as brave as my grandparents, prepared to strike out in a new country.

I think it would be wonderful if the CDC could study gun violence.

I realize these views may make me an extreme liberal bleeding heart nutcase, blah blah blah. I’m not going to even say that I’m fine with people having guns as long as there are stricter controls. I’m not fine with just that. I think it would be excellent if there was a gun buy-back like they did in Australia after Port Arthur.

I will likely never own a gun. I will likely never have one in my house.

The exception would be in a zombie apocalypse, a la The Walking Dead, and even then, I’d prefer a katana like my hero Michonne.


Cocks not glocks, y’all.