Into Him

I am really into Dave, y’all.

And the weird thing is that he is into me, too.

He thinks I’m the bees knees. Well, he hasn’t used that exact phrase, but I imagine he’d concur.

I don’t think this is what it felt like before. I know it’s not fair to compare a current relationship to past ones, especially when I am in a drastically different place than I was eight to ten years ago.

Now I know that I am and would be fine on my own. I have self-esteem. I’m not desperate. I know I bring a lot to the table value-wise. I have more experience in many ways.

My relationship with Dave is new, but it feels right. I don’t have doubts or insecurities about it. I don’t think he’s still looking around for someone (I deleted my accounts to the extent I could). He meets almost all of the criteria on my list (he has not read Harry Potter, though).

I sent him a picture of myself after my workout and he sent back the heart-eyes emoji. I told him it just feels so good to have someone find me attractive and be attracted to me. He likes making me happy. We spoil each other.

And while I acknowledge that this is the honeymoon period, I’m enjoying it. I’m enjoying having someone so utterly into me and me being incredibly into him.

The only thing I am having trouble with is the nagging feeling like this is too good. I need to anticipate success. I deserve to be happy and supported. Yet I hate being blindsided and my experiences have engendered in me a skepticism. Let me be clear: Dave has given me zero reason to doubt him or the veracity of his claims. I’ve seen no red flags and my spidey senses haven’t tingled.

I wrote the above before Dave and I spent the weekend together.

He came over on Friday. We got to spend some time together before I left for a swim clinic at the Y (training for my triathlon). He ordered dinner and I picked it up on the way back.

You may think, “Mandy – You let him stay at your house alone? You haven’t even been dating that long!” I know. It was a risk. But he was fine when I left him while I went for a run around my neighborhood before. I am pretty sure he just sits in my living room with his computer, snacks on food I have, and listens to podcasts or watches TV. It is what I would do were I left alone at his place.

We ate and we talked. I think we might have watched some TV. I was tired.

The next morning, I had to get up for day 2 of my swim clinic. It was a very trying workout day. I questioned whether I was in over my head or if I was doing the right thing. I thought about quitting at some points. But I kept with it.

Afterward, I went through Taco Bell to pick up some lunch for Dave (the man loves Taco Bell more than any person I’ve ever known). I was dead on my feet by the time I got home. I took a shower and he rubbed my back as I drifted off into a nap.

I got up and we watched Tommy Boy on TV. We could both quote it nearly verbatim, which impressed us both about the other. I know it is one of a handful of movies I suggest people who want to join my family familiarize themselves with. We also played a few rounds of Uno.

Then we headed to Cleveland to see a midnight screening of The Room. I drove. We listened to a favorite podcast (List! Cast!) of his on the way there and one of mine (2 Dope Queens) on the way back. Before the screening, we went to The Melt. I brought up both plastic surgery (excess skin removal) and the question of kids. As far as plastic surgery goes, Dave is supportive. By supportive I mean that, while he thinks I’m sexy as I am, he will go along with whatever I decide to do. In terms of kids, I told him that I lean toward no and I think he is in more of the ambivalent to no camp. In other words, he’s not the type where he must have kids. It was nice that we could have such a conversation.

The Room screening was great! It was a lot of fun. Spoons were thrown, dialogue was shouted, questions were posed. I think I might enjoy doing that again.

I slept in on Sunday, but I think he got up and puttered around. He really appreciated that I bought him his favorite cereal – Peanut Butter Crunch. After I got up and ate my decidedly not as fun cereal, we took the dogs on a brisk, freezing walk. We returned to watch the Browns fuck up their lead against the Packers, something that Dave found hilarious (he is a Steelers fan). Then we decided to make part of his Christmas gift from me: chocolate chip cookies. I used Alton Brown’s recipe. He was very helpful! I think it would have gotten very frustrated had I tried to make them on my own, especially as I don’t have a standing mixer. The cookies turned out pretty good. While the dough chilled and then the cookies baked, we watched Spider-Man: Homecoming.

I did tell him that I love him over the weekend (he said he loves me too). And, yes, I know it is fast and that is perpetually one of my concerns with my dating life. But, as I keep saying, this just feels so easy and so right. And I am not completely unguarded. I am scared of being blindsided by something and I’ve communicated these concerns. We still have a lot to learn about each other.

The thing is, people are very supportive of us. I think we were both seen in our respective circles as excellent people deserving of love and a relationship, but it just hadn’t happened for us yet. His last relationship was in 2011. Mine was in 2009. We are sickeningly cute.

All signals point to something good.